Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Cheating tips for dieters

I came across these tips on a funny website today...because I'm soooo busy at work these days...Enjoy!

1.If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. (DUH!!)
2.If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
3.When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4.Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
(Hot chocolate has calories? CRAP! How is that possible? It's mostly water right?)
5.If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
(this explains why I get mad when Joe runs on the treadmill)
6.Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
(I don't really use this one anymore since I can't even remember the last movie I saw in a theatre)
7.Cookie pieces contain no fat-- the process of breaking causes fat leakage....plus, "I didn't even eat a whole cookie" can last A LOT longer this way
8.Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
9.Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
(Who eats pistachio ice cream??)
10.Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles
....corn dogs, burritos, pizza...I could go on and on.
11. Foods eaten while watching a major event on television do not count. Major events include: Superbowl, Hockey Finals, Indy 500, Jerry Springer show.
12. Powerbars and other type energy bars make you thinner. In all my years of exercising (at least three times a year) I have only seen thin people eating energy bars. Ergo (therefore) they must make you thin.
13. Snickers is the same as an energy bar (see #12)
14. Tasting other people's food does not add to your calorie count. (and they do NOT have to taste yours in exchange!)
15. Containers of food that list the number of servings as greater than one are lying. Every container includes one serving. Half gallon of ice cream, box of cereal, bottle of soda, bag of chips are all one serving. (4 1/2 chips HA! That's only for those skinny chicks that eat energy bars while working out at the gym wearing sports bras and spandex...excuse me, yoga pants!)


laurie said...

I love it and I won't lie, I have thought some of those things before!

Anonymous said...

I actually LOVE pistachio ice cream!!!! Unfortunatlly it has a ton more calories because of all the nuts!! :(

Charles and Courtney said...

That was great. Who knew we could get away with so many calories.